いつも大きい手紙

[arisha]

I am always surprised at how quickly I revert to what I assume must be my natural sleeping habits, or something. Friday was the last day of classes before Reading Break and I stayed up till three a.m. And Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday, and now Tuesday as well, I am up to three a.m. Which is weird, because I actually got up at a reasonable hour today (nine-thirty) in order to go have a toe surgery (feel free to insert air quotes) which ended up not happening (Dad: "Why does one doctor think she needs it fixed and the other thinks she doesn't?" Mom: "Because they're married, duh!!"), so I thought I would be tired by now, but I'm so not. And my eyes don't even hurt like they usually do (I'm a terrible person), aha, victory is mine!

Last night I was lamenting how I am most productive after midnight. It's like I laze about all day just doing whatever I please to keep myself happy, but then once Colbert Report finishes I am all ready to go! Let's write! Let's edit that story! Let's work on that web page! Let's type up a notebook! Let's clean my room! Let's make a to-do list filled with all the stuff I can never remember during the day! I mean, I like being productive at night while everyone else is asleep, and I've always known I'm a night person. But I just find it so frustrating, just thinking maybe I'll never have a schedule that allows me to take full advantage of being productive at such odd hours, what if I have a job that starts at, like, seven in the morning? I would never get anything done ... ugh, I hate that thought. Let's not think of it anymore. I hate even remembering that my current school schedule requires me to be in bed by one a.m. Ah, so many hours of productivity wasted!

This is kind of funny, I was talking with my friends maybe two weeks ago about how I'm impressed when I see others writing essays days before they are due, considering my streak last year where I pulled all-nighters every time. (I have been doing much better this year. I want to use my few productive hours for something I actually care about, thankyouverymuch!! haha.) Asked one of my friends, "Are you actually able to make yourself stay up till four a.m. writing an essay?" At the time I just said, "Yeah, aren't you?," but now I guess I have realized the answer is "HELLO, I stay up till four a.m. whether I want to or not!!"

This is maybe a stupid question ... but I wonder if I'm most productive at this time because of the time of day, or because of how long I've been awake. Like, if I changed my schedule so I was totally nocturnal and woke up at, say, nine p.m. instead of nine a.m., would I be more productive? I think the answer would be no. I think it probably comes from having been up for so many hours. But I dunno, I wish I could try it out, ahaha, and then that would mess me up even more ... XD;

There, I hope that is an entry that does not betray how ANGSTY I have been feeling lately, although I guess in a way it kind of does ...

Comments

[niche.livejournal.com]

Don't be angsty! :( Besides, I highly doubt that anyone who gets a job that starts at 7am, whether they're nocturnal or not, would be productive, because that it so bleeding early that no real human's brain could function at that time.

Also, I get what you mean. I can only study at night too. Except this conflicts with my need to sleep, so usually I can ever only study for about two hours from ten to midnight, and then my brain dies, which doesn't lend itself to academia, HAHA. i lose, obvsly.